You Aren't the Only One

I'm not sure that there are many things more encouraging than talking to other moms that are honest about what life is really like.  These "real" women have helped me to see that "it's not just me," and there is something so nice about knowing that I'm not alone in my struggles as a wife, mother, and homemaker.

Just today, I was at my daughter's school visiting with some of the other moms, and we got to talking about the nitty gritty of our job as mothers and housekeepers.  Mountains of laundry, days worth of dishes, and endless mahem are the norm, but for some reason we dupe ourselves into believing that we are the only ones that deal with endless chaos and even downright filth (just admit it). 

It was so neat to see how the conversation progressed.  It's amazing how honest admission to failures and not having it all together can all of a sudden bring women together in a unique way.  After several people shared stories, and we had some really good laughs, one of the ladies said, "I thought I was the only one!"  How many times have I thought that...

So, I guess what I want to say in all this is this: 

You aren't the only one. 

 

You aren't the only one that forgets the clothes in the washer.  You aren't the only one that fixes peanut butter and jelly for dinner.  You aren't the only one that has a basket full of socks that never get sorted.  You aren't the only one that feels like if you have to go to the store with your kids one more time, you might have a meltdown. You aren't the only one whose kids ask, "who's coming over?" when you clean your house.  You aren't the only one who loses her temper.  You aren't the only one who, at times, doesn't know if she can make it through another day...

 

Jesus said, "Come to me, all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest."  He knows.  He knows what you face every day.  He knows that you don't measure up, but he doesn't condemn, he says, "Come," and he offers rest, because he knows we need it.  We need rest in our souls-- rest that says, "Even though you don't have it all together, all is well.  You are loved."   



My Real (little) Flower Garden

One of the things that I would like to get better at is gardening. 

 

When I envision what I would like my flower garden to look like, images like this come to mind.  I am often a tad bit unrealistic when I think about what I would like to accomplish (can you tell?).  I mean really, this picture was probably taken at Buckingham Palace or somewhere like that....  Because I tend to have unrealistic goals, I am often disappointed by what I have the time, money, and energy to do. Every year, I have had grand plans of turning my entire front and back yards into my own little mini pieces of heaven, but I have realized that lack of time (and lack of palace) make it impossible for me to do what I would REALLY like to do with my yard.

So, this year, I'm aiming low.  Low expectations = less chance of failure and disappointment. I know, I sound like a real go getter. ;)  I am finally realizing that I can't do it all, and that's ok.  There will be a time of life that I will be able to have a large flower garden, but that time is not now.  So right now, I'm doing what I can.  I have decided that instead of making plans for every square inch of soil in my yard (and only actually following through with about half of it, and doing a pretty bad job with that half), I'm going to pick out one flower bed, yes, just one; and I'm going to do what I can with that, and not worry about the rest.  I'm excited to see what I can do when I only have one small section to focus on.  So, here is what I've done so far:

Before

After

I know, it doesn't look very grand yet, but this is just the first step.  I just decided what I wanted to keep and pulled everything that I didn't want.  The next step is to put some compost on the bed.  I am also planning on researching the types of plants that will do well in this part of my yard (it gets morning and some afternoon sun).  I'm excited to see how it progresses! 

Disclaimer:  Before you think to yourself, "How does she have time to do that along with everything else?!  I need to get my act together," just know that I would not have gotten this done if not for my husband who watched the kids and my gardening loving mom who came over and helped me...and, I thought about posting a picture of the inside of my house, but I chickened out.

Also, if anyone would like to join me and take the time to make your own little flower garden, I would love to see pictures of your progress!!  Happy Gardening! :) 

A Guaranteed Trick to Get Your Kids to Eat Their Vegetables*

If you have kids, you know the fight.  The standoff at the end of every dinner.  Your child has eaten everything but his/her vegetables.  Then starts the crying and fit throwing and pleading, and often, after a long day, getting them to eat those veggies just doesn't seem worth it.

Here's a little trick that we use at our house to get our kids to eat healthier, and it's seemed to work well for us.  This is NOT a sure fire way to cure a picky eater.  If you know how to do that, then fill me in (PLEASE!), but it IS a way to get the kids to eat the healthiest part of their dinner first, and avoid "the fight" at the end.  So, here it is: we serve the kids in "courses."  I know, it sounds weird and proper and a little snobbish, but it works for us.

 We start with the veggies or salad.  This is what the girls had for their "first course."  Tonight was easy, because they like all these things.  If we were also having something that they didn't like, like peppers, we would either put a little piece there for them to try or skip it all together (they're still eating veggies, they don't need to be made to like everything).  So, once they eat that, it's on to second course.  Sometimes we don't tell them what the courses are going to be, and they like the surprise, but if they are having a hard time with the first course, it might be a good idea to tell them what's coming in the next courses (as incentive).

Second course tonight is spaghetti.  No problems here.  They love it and ask for seconds.  On to the third course:

The third course is usually something like bread.  Kate LOVES bread and hurries to finish her first and second courses whenever we have bread.  Claire doesn't like bread, and we don't make her eat it.  If your kid doesn't like something unhealthy, don't make them eat it just because, "You need to eat your food."  Why make them eat something that isn't that good for them? (there's my two cents).  And on to the fourth course: dessert!

I know what you're thinking.  You give your kids apples for dessert???  No, not always.  I did tonight because Kate had a bunch of candy at her Valentine's party at school today.  Sometimes we have cookies, or yogurt, or blueberries, and sometimes we don't have dessert at all, just depends.  Most of the time, dessert is just that extra little incentive they need to eat a good dinner. 

So, there's our trick.  The only drawback is that there is a risk that your child may ask for the "next course" the next time they go to someones house.  Be forewarned. :)
 

*The title of this blog was a shameless attempt to get you to read it.  There is no guaranteed trick to get your children to eat their vegetables.  ;)

Are You For Real???

picture by Alayna Goebel

No one ever helped anyone by being fake. 

We want to look good.  Of course we do.  No one ever wanted to look bad.  But what if looking bad meant you could make someone else more comfortable?  What if “God gives grace to the humble”?  What if the less you act like you have it all together, the more people are drawn to you?

What is a “real woman”?  Or maybe it would be more helpful to start with what a real woman is not (I can relate more to what a real woman is not, hence the “in training” disclaimer in the title of this blog).  A real woman does not pretend that she has it all together.  She doesn’t act like her marriage is always perfect, that her kids are always well behaved, dinner is always on the table by 6, and her house is always immaculate. 

The problem is that we all struggle with this idea of image.  Like I stated above, we all want to put our best face out there.  But, what if we stopped thinking about what we look like to others and start thinking about what is true?  Do we have it all together? No.  Is that even possible? Of course not.  I actually used to think that I could have it all together, even thought I did have it all together (for moments at a time).  I thought that if I just tried hard enough, stayed focused, had my “quiet time,” and read enough books on self improvement I could actually “arrive”!  My belief in this philosophy would either leave me totally demoralized or self righteous and judgmental (depending on “how I was doing” that week, day, minute).     

So, what changed?  What made me realize that it was not possible for me to have it all together?  What made me want to pursue realness?  First, God had to humble me.  Try as I may, I was/am not perfect, not even close.  I hardly ever make my bed, my laundry often goes sour, my dishes sometimes go undone, my kids throw fits, I spend too much time on my phone, I tune my husband out….the list goes on and on.  Only when God revealed to me that how He feels about me is not based on what I’ve done or not done, but on what Jesus did for me, did I finally feel free to be real.  Jesus lived the perfect life that I couldn’t live and counted it as mine from the moment I ran to him, and that is enough.  I don’t have to pretend that I’m perfect anymore, because my perfection (or lack thereof) has no bearing on whether God accepts me or not, and there is something very liberating about that.   

As I started to live out this freedom, I found that my “fake” behavior was not only an inordinate response to what God has done for me, it was also downright harmful to those that I am around.  As Christian women, I think a lot of times we think that we need to act like we have it all together because, “Come on, we’re Christians, we need to be a good example….people won’t be attracted to our faith if we mess up and admit it freely.”  Sadly, this is a lie that has many negative consequences.  Here’s a few that I have observed from my own life and the lives of others: 

·           

• The standard of perfection drives people away because they know they can’t measure up. Instead of acting like we can measure up, as Christians, our attitude should be, “Ya, you can’t measure up, and neither can I, that’s why we needed Christ to come and be our substitute.  Because of what Jesus did, God now sees you as His daughter or son, and you don’t have to live under the guilt that comes with feeling like you don’t measure up.  When you simply come to Him, God doesn’t see you as a sinner any longer, He sees you as his precious child.” If we have this attitude of humility, people will be drawn to us rather than driven away.

•   The standard of perfection also makes people feel like if they ever want to come to Church, they need to clean up their lives first.  This is the exact opposite of what Jesus would say.  He would say simply, “Come as you are.”  If we put off the feeling that you need to live perfectly in order to be a Christian, then those who know that they don’t live perfectly will not dare enter the doors of the church or want to be involved in the lives of those who claim it.

• This mentality also negatively affects other Christians.  We all have the tendency to compare ourselves to others.  If you (or I) have someone in your home and we put on a front that says, “I have it all together” it can discourage other Christians and leave them feeling like there must be something wrong with them, or that they just need to try harder and then they can have it all together too.  The last thing that I want people to feel when they are around me is judged, overwhelmed, guilty, ashamed, and uncomfortable.  I want them to feel like they can come and rest and be their real selves.

 

•    Fakeness breeds more fakeness (is fakeness a word??).  When you are fake, you tempt those around you to be fake.  When you are truthful about your struggles, insecurities, failures… you give people the freedom to be themselves.

I want to be real, and what God has given me in Christ gives me the freedom and ability to do just that.  Am I still tempted to be fake?  Of course, but, by God’s grace, and only by God’s grace, I am pursuing realness for His glory.

Here Goes Nothing

Things don't always work out how you plan...story of my life; but, just because things aren't as easy as they "should be" doesn't mean you should give it up all together.

Back in August, I had every intention of starting this blog.  I wanted to really prepare and get a bunch written before I started posting in January.  Well, January came and went, and reality started setting in.  My expectation that I would have the time and energy to have an active and interesting blog was totally unrealistic.  I decided to give up the idea all together...

There are so many things that I would like to do and get better at: sewing, gardening, having people in my home, keeping a clean house, homeschooling, organizing, teaching piano, writing, doing laundry (added by my husband ;))...., and it seems that I don't have time for all these things; and the truth is, I don't.  I don't have time to do any of these things to the capacity that I would like, but, as a wise woman once told me (you know who you are), "Tis the season of life for, 'Do what you can with the little time you have.'"  So, here it goes.  Here's to embracing the time I do have, and hopefully sharing glimpses of this crazy life and what I'm learning through it.